Exposing cruel and unusual workplaces since 2005.
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Tale # 14
Dept: Sales & Marketing Score: 306
Dec 1st 2005 Submitted by Max
“I Was a Corporate Cuddler”
A donut I was hired fresh out of school by one of the world's biggest computer companies. My sales team's customers were other large corporations, which tended to cough up a multi-million dollar order every three or four years, but in between generate very little revenue.

Our sales reps were all very sharp, driven, well-paid guys: studs, essentially, who wanted to nail a customer for a big order, then get the hell out so they could start looking for the next attractive order.

The last thing the reps wanted was to hang around, making sweet talk, when they'd already got what they wanted. But the customer would be offended if the sales rep immediately rushed off and stopped returning phone calls. That could jeapordize the next big order, a few years down the track.

So my job was to cuddle them. The highly-paid rep would move on to another account, and the customer would be told that I was their new rep. We tried to make it seem like I was a stud sales rep, too, so didn't tell them that I earned a quarter of what the other reps did, split my time between ten times as many accounts, got no commissions, and wasn't really expected to generate big orders. I was there to cuddle them: to hold them, whisper sweet nothings to them, and make them feel cared about. LINK
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