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Showing 11 - 15 of 34 Tales in "Management".
Tale # 85
Dept: Management Score: 254
Jun 19th 2006 Submitted by Walt
“The Bonus Pool”
A donut In one private company I worked for, the CEO created a "bonus pool," to be split amongst the top 15 managers, salespeople, and himself, according to salary percentage.

Everyone was excited about this, as wages were not great. That is, until the end of the year, when we realized the CEO's cut of the bonus pool was $1 million, and the remainder, to be split amongst everyone else, was fairly skimpy.

The next few years were similar, until some of the VPs convinced him he shouldn't be a part of the pool--he was already making a huge salary. He agreed and made a wonderful speech to the group about removing himself.

We were anxious to see what this next year held. But at the end of the year, the numbers were still similar. What happened? The CEO just took the same $1 million before it ever reached the bonus pool. And now he was getting his from the beginning of the year instead of waiting like the rest of us! LINK
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Tale # 73
Dept: Management Score: 228
Feb 8th 2006 Submitted by J. Ust A'Dockboy
“The Baddest QA Guy Alive”
A donut I work for a large locomotive air brake manufacturing company. The department, or rather sub-department, I work in is recieving. It is myself and my compatriots job to remove large crates from the backs of trucks (using a forklift) and then place the items contained therein (typically large chunks of metal weighing from 50-200 pounds) in the appropiate areas, by hand.

I hate my job.

However, for the most part it was bearable and I had a good arrangment with managment. That is until corporate ordered us (and all other repair shops) to institute a "Quality Assurance" program. The little weasel that they hired, was tasked with "assuring quality and safety." Let me explain something to you, my department is located very close to the repair department for pracitcal convenience. No one wants to carry huge brake valves any amount of distance at all. Naturally it is very loud here, taking rusted metal studs and stripped screws out is noisy. My job is dirty and standard safety gloves are required to protect hands but almost always tear and larger gloves inhibit lifting. None of us ever handled tools and thus none of us ever wore safety goggles. This was not a problem prior to the advent of "Quality" Assurance.

Within a week of assuming his lofty position the weasel had stated that we were the most "unsafe" department in the company. As a result I am now required to wear huge leather gloves to protect my delicate skin from scratching on any sharp edges, tiny "one-size-fits-no-one" safety goggles to protect my eyes, and ear plugs that prohibit any and all communication with anyone.

Faced with my new inability to grasp anything (try wearing a large pair of stiff leather gloves and lifting weights), see anything (I wear glasses that do not fit under the goggles and side-shields were deemed "unsafe"), or communicate with my underlings we soldiered on as best we could.

A week later we were criticized for our "falling effeciency level." LINK
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Tale # 60
Dept: Management Score: 217
Jan 21st 2006 Submitted by Anonymous
“Nutbag the Incredible”
A donut I worked for a software company's technical training department. We were talented people who knew our jobs and were mostly directed by the departmental secretary/admin, who scheduled classes and told us where we needed to be, on what date, to deliver which class.

Unfortunately, above her, two staffing levels above the trainers, we had Nutbag the Incredible. He was into the Vision Thing in a big way but rarely came down to Earth to consider the practical implications of what he said.

For example, when we moved into a new building he told us we'd be working in cubicles with no dividers between them--the better to foster "collaboration." Even he, he said, would be in such a cube, not in one of the offices along the walls.

We all looked at him with complete horror and told him that our jobs didn't want or need his "forced collaboration". He didn't listen, but our friend, the departmental admin, was careful to get us all regular cubes after all.

After telling us for the better part of the week how much he hated offices and would enjoy working in a cube, he conspicuously set up all his stuff in a cube then began moving things surreptitiously into an office and doing all his work from in there. He never even noticed when someone took the chair out of "his" cube.

He almost never inquired into what any of us were doing, and never told us what he was allegedly doing to manage us. Except at the annual users conference when he'd give a big speech to our team about his latest Vision Thing for our team.

He eventually left the company when word got around that he'd been banging a female consultant in "after-hours strategy sessions" that none of us had understood the need for. LINK
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Tale # 94
Dept: Management Score: 190
Sep 18th 2006 Submitted by Anonymous
“Pay Cuts For (Almost) Everybody”
A donut The large newspaper where I worked recently imposed a ten percent paycut on all management positions, due to severe economic constraints. This coming after three years of no raises.

Meanwhile, the publisher/owner (who inherited the position), has been spending more time traveling, skiing, and boating with his mistress (who is on the company payroll) than running the business.

Following the pay cuts, he gave himself a $1,000 a week raise on top of his already huge salary. I left without notice. LINK
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Tale # 104
Dept: Management Score: 158
Jan 23rd 2007 Submitted by Anonymous
“A Short Six Weeks”
A donut I was assigned the project of assessing a new market in Asia. I created a scope of work, work-back schedule, and deadline for launch: six weeks. The CEO signed off on this.

One week later, he called me urgently from this country to "send what I had." I explained I was still researching and working on copy: all I had were some early Word documents. He wanted them anyway. So I sent them.

The CEO returned a week early and called all management into the boardroom, including me. He then proceeded for the next three hours to humiliate me for my shoddy work. LINK
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Showing 11 - 15 of 34 Tales in "Management".